Trundling to Port Glasgow in the wagon I noted the jaunty nautical portholes of Coast from the A8. I later returned to Langbank, the Riviera of Port Glasgow, where I enjoyed a choice of free parking. I savoured the view across the Clyde to Dumbarton Rock, rather than actually having to be in Dumbarton.
Coast is a restaurant that serves all day. I entered via a sloped gangway and floated into a calm, ordered atmosphere of thick tartan carpet, velour backed chairs, gleaming wine glasses and unremarkable MDF tables. Screamingly professional black-clad staff greeted and seated me. My coffee and breakfast arrived in short order. Piped piano music rippled along the gunwale as I looked around, noting the convenient wheelchair lift, displays of plants, glass objects of unknown purpose, a decorative human-sized seahorse with a provocative look in its eye and an outsize clock. Seeing my fellow reserved passengers perusing menus cards and noting the gliding momentum of the staff only served to confirm my opinion that I was on some sort of Saga cruise liner.
The coffee was dark and bitter, but at least caffeinated. The smashed avocado and eggs were unremarkable but nothing to complain about. £14.90. My overall reaction to my breakfast was one of quiet acceptance as I slipped into the slow, cossetted pace of life onboard. Surely if I lingered long enough on the voyage I would get to visit the Bridge and later, perhaps dine at the Captain’s table? If it went well, we could pass the port and I could wear his hat. My demands are as always, negligible.
Reality returned with the staff, who were perhaps bored as they came over to chat. It didn’t take long for the natural (nautical?) matey-ness of Glaswegians to break though the corporate amphibious world of Coast. We discussed where I stayed and when they found out, the question arose: did I know Chainsaw Jack? I did, tangentially. He is a sculptor, not an armed psychopath. These are the circles I move in.
Disembarking onto the jetty I couldn’t really find anything either bad or inspiring about Coast. But then I love all boats.
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